Ernst Junger and Audie Murphy Heroes of War Essay

Not many people are vested with such courage shown by the two custody whom the title of this paper belong. Both men had exemplary displayed extremely great courage that was perhaps slightly short of suicidal attack. Without discounting their heroism, one cannot rest his mind without asking how these people could bravely defend the dangers of death through a daring exploit of the dangers itself. Courage that is inside them is what makes them brave enough to overcome the fears of the dangers and death. It is the courage that yields a man honors yet it depart only prove when it is confronted by a particular kind of risk and emerge victorious in that situation. The many particular risk that both men had confronted and had successfully subdued, proves they are indeed men of great courage.Junger and Murphy may have served in the military in the same capacity, and in equ tout ensembley heartbreaking battlefield but of the opposing sides. They are equally courageous and possessed extra ordinary skills that put them distinct from the others, as evidenced by their struggle medals. However, there is an obvious variance between their personal backgrounds. Junger was highly educated, born, and grew up in a better family condition.Murphy on the other hand, had but all painful life experiences. His parents died while he was still young with twelve siblings. He grew up under difficult condition and had no proper education. This difference obviously influenced their military manner, Junger sees his accomplishment as an opportunity for advancement, while Murphy sees his accomplishment as merely his duty as a military. He considered his gain to military as a family and was willing let opportunity for advancement pass him.Examples of Jungers accomplishment that clearly reflect his organized out looked in to the future are as follows. First, he had served the German army with peculiarity. He was indeed a multi-awarded soldier. Second, He became officer of the army at a re al young age of twenty-three third, he became a writer after he was discharge from military service. His Storm of Steel seemed to glorify war although he did not justify nor extenuates the brutalities of war.Perhaps, the one thing that Murphy was very fortunate to have was, first, his extra-ordinary courage and ordinary qualities as a fighting infantryman. His enlistment in the US army proves to be successful as he was able to demonstrate his military skills in combat operations. Second, his military skills gave him numerous military awards and distinction above the others. He was even promoted to the rank of lieutenant despite his limited education and third, his loyalty to the military and his own company earned for him respect and perplexity of others.Final ReflectionsThese two men rose from their own ranks because of their courage, extra-ordinary skills and dedication to their duties. Two men of different backgrounds and belong to the opposing armies were able to build their ow n identities, true their own outlook in life, and established their lives amidst the dangers of wars.Theirs is a lesson that though life is full of danger, full of opposing forces that affects us, and we are weak compared to these realities, yet they survived, and eventually break through in life. This gives us hope of our own survival and success in what ever endeavor we are we are currently struggling.

Factors Affecting the Loan Repayment of Rice Farmers in Ragay

As being observed in the Philippine situation the common problem and also not a new issue in agriculture sector is the low productivity and low income of farmers which atomic number 50 be attributed to their lack of capital. Many farmers have no enough savings or immediate payment on hand to purchase new inputs including machineries, chemicals, pesticides and high yielding varieties of seeds which leave alone help them to improve their earnings because these inputs are usually expensive. As an answer to this plight they rely on credit and the proliferation of different credit institutions is a great help to them.The credit need of the farmers were being experienced especially those who are act on in strain end product because it needs a large amount of money for investment. These credit needs of the strain farmers were being provided by the two types of institutions namely the formal and informal lending institutions. The formal sources of credit include the banking and non-b anking institutions. The mere examples of it are the rural bank, commercial bank, and cooperatives (Duran 2001) while the informal sources are the private moneylenders, relatives, friends, traders and millers.With the approachability of the credit institutions in rural areas, it allows the farmers to maintain and sustain their productivity since income in this country is generally low (Cacho, 1995). Credit can be defined as a means of entrusting and believing from and since trust is an important ingredient in providing it, the lenders rely on a promise of the borrower to pay in the future (Guevarra, 1995). but it is a problem encountered by these formal and informal lending institutions that the farmer-borrowers were not able to pay their obligation at the expected time.Statement of the Problem With a total farm area of more or less 23,036 hectares almost 2,182 hectares in Ragay, Camarines Sur is being planted with rice and the need for credit can be observed in its production. It is on that pointfore important that the credit institutions proliferate in this area to help and assist the rice farmers. The government intervenes through the publicity and development of the organization that will provide agricultural loan so as to improve the income of rice farmers, which include the development of the rural bank and cooperatives in the area.Together with the expanding upon of the formal institutions the informal lenders also expand and gave a significant role in alleviating the lack of capital by the rice farmers. With this expansion of credit sources the problem, which cannot be avoided by these institutions is the high percentage of loan delinquency by the borrowers. Though the high collection performance or high refund rate would not necessarily mean the ultimate measure of successful operation of the institutions, a low repayment rate adversely affects the operation and perceptual constancy of the different lending agencies.Also through loan default, cr edit institutions in Ragay were not able to improve and expand their services and sometimes lead to chastisement in providing efficient services. Significance of the Study Lack of capital or inadequate fund of the rice farmers in Ragay, Camarines Sur hinders their increase in production and income. They are not able to purchase production inputs and adopt new technologies to produce more output for sale and a credit as a source of capital is a big help to them but repayment of their loan is a pressing problem to the lending institutions in this area.This study will focus in increasing the repayment rate or increasing the non-repayment if not totally eliminating it to help the lending institutions in improving their services for the rice farmers. This study will also provide data that will help them to improve their loan collection and supervision for their sustainability though improving strict rules and prescript regarding borrowing. For the farmer borrowers, this study will help them to realize the factor which affect their repayment so as they will able to look for ways that will minimize their low or no-repayment of loans.It will also help them to understand that certain factor/factors of repayment decrease their capability of repaying the loan and therefore there is a need for them to do something to minimize those factors, which can be controlled. Objectives of the Study The general objective of the study is to analyze the factors affecting the loan repayment of rice farmers in Ragay, Camarines Sur. The specific objectives are the following 1. o identify the common credit sources of rice farmers in Ragay, Camarines Sur 2. to identify the factors affecting the rice farmers pickax of credit source 3. to determine the loan purpose of the rice farmer-borrowers 4. to determine the relationship of the factors affecting the repayment performance of the rice farmer borrowers 5. to determine the problems encountered by rice farmers in loan repayment and 6. to compare the repayment performance of rice farmers by source of credit.

Reasons for Devotion to Hindu Goddesses

Reasons for devotion to Hindu goddesses Hinduism portrays feminine divinity in a more deluxe way than most other religions do. Though Hindu goddesses atomic number 18 usu onlyy depicted as consorts, wives or companions to a Hindu god, cases exist in which they are revereped independently Tantrism for example, where it is believed that women posses more spiritual power than men, thus men can obtain divinity through union with a woman (Tantrism).Most villages reinforce the mother aspect of goddesses and worship them individu tout ensembley as their protector, regarding them as having originated in the area and thus being tied to the health and prosperity of the village (Caldwell). Others who may devote themselves to a goddess might be in ordination to conquer or flourish in a particular area, like how someone who wishes to achieve higher wisdom would praise Sarasvati, goddess associated with learning. Many scholars question the origins of goddess worship, and it is argued that t hey most probably emerged in the Indus Valley civilization (2500-1500 B. C.E). The civilization, relying mainly on agriculture, likely worshipped distaff earth deities that represented fertility, regeneration, life and death, to aid in their harvests (Erndl 19). Scenes depicted in their seals also pointed to the fact that the Indus Valley people were perhaps goddess-revering (McDermott 3608). Some people realize raised the point of feminism as a nonion of commitment to a Hindu goddess, as goddesses that appear strong and independent exist in Hinduism, which is virtually unseen in other prominent religions. A popular question is then raised, Is the Goddess a Feminist? Rita Gross acknowledges the difficulty of a concrete answer to the question, and responds with an It depends. She proposes that the answer lies in the definition of feminist that the person might overhear, and how the Goddesss devotees are. The idea is simple enough if the believer is feminist, then they will worshi p their goddess as if they were feminist as well. If the believer is non feminist, then they will worship their goddess as if they were not feminist. She estates that . . . gods and goddesses are created by devotees . . . (104).Grosss statement peal true, especially when we examine much of the confusion shrouding kelpwort. Kali is almost always depicted as having black skin, a near naked body, long, disheveled hairsbreadth and a long, lolling tongue. She wears ghastly adornments like a necklace made from human heads, and her fangs are long and usually dripping with blood. Her illustrations are mainly intimidating, making her appear stupid and uncontrollable nearly perpetually. She is, however, a popular deity to worship in Tantrism, and is revered as the highest deity, above Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva.Millions regard her as Mother, and aspire to overcome the idolise of death through confrontation. Kalis origins are believed to have their roots in South Asia, where she was appa rently worshipped through rituals and blood sacrifices. OFlaherty distinguishes a figure, a demoness, in early Sanskrit literature called Long-Tongue, who he points to conceivably being a more ancient form of Kali. The first time the name Kali appears in texts is in Mundaka Upanisad, however, not as a goddess but as a tonguelike flame of sacrificial fire.The first mention of a goddess with the comparable name is in the Mahabharata, who appears in the dreams of warriors to give them a warning of death. However, it is through her later appearances in the Devimahatmya that Kali is brought closer into Hindu religion (Kripal 156). She is said to have sprouted when Durga, angered by the asuras who pointed their weapons at her, turned into an inky black color on her forehead and summons Kali. Kali then proceeds to pop out all the asuras in a frenzied manner, later offering the heads of their leaders Chanda and Munda to Durga.Her second appearance is in the follow chapter, where she battl es Raktabija, and assures success by sucking all of his blood so he could not reproduce anymore, per Durgas command, while she finish uped him (Devimahatmya ch. 7-8). other myth ties Kali with Parvati, sexual congress of an army of demons that threatens the safety of the world. Men cannot slay them, and so Shiva calls for his wife to aid them in battle. Parvati accepts the responsibility, swallowing the poison stored in Shivas throat and morphing into Kali.However, she becomes too drunk with the poison and, after defeating all the demons, threatens to destroy the world herself with her berserk dance. In an attempt to subdue his wife, Shiva then lays on the floor in front of Kali, who in her delirious state does not notice his presence and steps on him. Shamed that she had showed such disgraceful behavior, she bites her tongue in humiliation. The last scene of the above tale is illustrated in a lot of imagery, and while the tale itself has a lot of variations, many Hindus will arr ive at the same resolution.It is in this perception that many contradictions lie. Another question rises, What does Kalis tongue-biting really mean? Most Hindus will claim that it is to show shame, which is what the action means in Bengali culture, however the pith behind the action might seem unlikely since Kali, who was previously interpreted as always being wild and threatening, that is, sporting qualities that an ideal wife should not posses, was suddenly showing a submissive nature, ashamed of having disrespected her conserve.From a Tantric view, Kali is mentioned to be standing on Shiva because she is engaging in turn sexual intercourse with him, and delighting in the waves of passion and arousal that flow from such an act. It is evident that the feeling shame is rather unreasonable given the situation mentioned. Furthermore, a reading from Mishra of the Tantric reading suggests that, as Kali dances around madly, Shiva sleeps on the floor in front of her in an attempt to calm her and, In her blinded anger she did not see him and stepped on his chest.At that moment Sivas penis became erect and entered Kali. At that instant Kali recognized her husband and pulled out her tongue in ecstasy and her anger disappeared. (Kripal 161) The above poses a wholly different view on the widely-known myth, and while it might not for sure accept or reject any view, it inspires doubt on the real occurrence of the tale. Having explained the confusion around Kalis popular myth and notorious tongue, a common misconception is brought to light which may or may not be the product of believers believing what they want to believe.Hinduism, having being shaped by a patriarchal society, might have sparked the want to dilute the image of the powerful and popular goddess Kali into one more acceptable for its community. An additional myth, telling of how Shiva defeats Kali in a dance match and succeeds in subduing her, resulting in her being more docile and calmer, doesnt add u p to the suspire of the story around them as Kali is more often than not depicted as a wife that constantly provokes and encourages disruptive behavior from her husband (Kinsley 122).However, bringing up another point by Gross, she mentions, But, in the long run, if the goddesses devotees are feminists, then the goddesses will either come to be seen as feminists or will be abandoned by their feminist devotees. (104) It is plausible to arrive to the conclusion from the above stated that, if the religion a person follows does not run into or reflect their personal beliefs as well, they will abandon it it is common sense.It should be mentioned as well that Hinduism is, rather than a single religion, a family of religions that are closely related to each other. Therefore, it should be plausible to assume that perhaps, the previously mentioned contradictory myths might be a result of this that is, an effort to try to engross ones own beliefs into their religion to make it more accepta ble to themselves. Looking and inspecting the gaps and problems in the religion can tell a lot about its believers culture and thinking.Having covered Kalis disorder of facts, one can infer that Hindus probably place great importance in correct have a bun in the oven of their wives, and the goddesses in their religion serve as a model for Hindu women to follow if they wish to be wed. Examples such as Parvati and Sarasvati can be mentioned, both portrayed as ideal, submissive wives to their partners, serving as counterbalances. Hindu gods and goddesses are sometimes portrayed as equals, and rather than husband and wife, they are shown to be antheral and female counterparts of the same being.The goddesses are by no means weak and disrespected they are strong and revered, but their personalities inspire different, subtle ideas into their people. However, the idea of whether or not something is correct or erroneous is highly subjective, and while Western feminists might argue on the essentials that a woman must possess in order to be well off, it is not the same for Hindu women who are the target of the religion, and for them the Hindu goddesses provide them a positive model to follow, and with it, psychological comfort which is beta (Gross 106).

Book Review “The Rise of Christianity by Rodney Stark”

Mr.. pure(a) uses a vicenary approach to explain his theories on how Christians could take gained so m some(prenominal) converts without miraculous methods. This quantitative approach included the use of numerical projections based on historical documents and sociological propositions to produce his testify prediction on how Christianity grew. He uses economic language is used to attempt to put one over sociological acquisition accessible to the lecturer, and depicts converts as rational consumers reservation an Informed decision_ There Is a distinct academic appearance of life to his words, which can come across as linear and pretentious.Although he is non trained as a historian, Stark wills a sufficient historical context from which to understand the sociological information. Stark draws valid conclusions that should not be disregarded, precisely his style and format are not effective, as they do not actually cater to either a craftal or non-professional audience. Hi s emotional use of capitalized words, quotations, and Italics Is unnecessary and takes credibleness remote from his argument. The organization of this book does not follow a mall thesis, but Jumps around to countless propositions and ends without a succinct conclusion Rodney Stark was raised inJamestown, North Dakota. He started his professional life as a naked as a jaybirds reporter, but was quick to continue his education. Following a tour of duty in the U. S. Army, he received his Ph. D. From the University of California, Berkeley, where he held appointments as a research sociologist at the Survey Research Center and at the Center for the Study of Law and Society. He has since taught Sociology and comparative Religion at the university of Washington and Baylor university. He has published 32 books and more than 160 scholarly articles on subjects as diverse as prejudice, crime, suicide, and city life in ancient Rome. Most of his charm has been with the study of religious soci ology, and he has held various reputable academic positions on boards relating to the subject. He also has won a number of national and International awards for luxurious scholarship. 3 In The Rise of Christianity, Rodney Stark Is in truth clear nearly his professional breeding versus his historical vexs throughout this entire book.He wants the reader to know that he is freshman and foremost a sociologist, and that his interest in including historical context is non- professional. In his preface, he writes, I watch always been a level buff, but for cost of my career I never really considered working with historical materials myself. I was sate to be a sociologist and to spend my beat trying to formulate and test sociology of religion. The Rise of Christianity is a sociologists theory on how Christianity became the leading power in the world.Stark wants his reader to know that he is not a historian, but adds historical information to give the sociological figures context. T his is why he constantly reiterates that he is makeup for a non- professional audience. Stark begins by explaining the arithmetic of fruit. This is a ERM he uses to explain to the reader that sociology has a lot to do with projecting numbers. In his first chapter, he establishes a probable growth rate at which Christianity could have grown to its size in state by year DADA.He projects what the population should have been based on historical accounts as well as figures from scripture, and uses references from other historians and sociologists to provide credibility to his projection. From here he explains that a steady growth rate of around forty percent per decennary from the beginning of the movement would not have required great miracles to achieve its large numbers by the year 350. Next, he looks his first occasioning for not only numerical growth, but the growth of set and prestige in the Christian movement. He begins by refuting the claim that Christianity was initially a movement of the pooh-pooh classes.He presents a few propositions about the value of converting to a new religion, and why it would have been probable for round archeozoic Christians to be prominent or wealthy figures in society. Stark explains that many of these conversions would have been Jews. He presents the sociable benefits of cultural continuity that specifically catered to Jews, as well as existing social networks among Jews and Christians. He uses social scientific theory to explain why it is probable that the mission to the Jews did not fail, as would have been previously thought.Christian philosophy paired with the plague ridden Roman Empire presented a favorable combination for making Christianity attractive to potential converts, and weakening the Pagan population. Love thy neighbor as thyself, a well-known doctrine directed Christians to tend to their sick during times of plague. Pagans behaved in the opposite way Throwing them (the ill) into the roads before the y were short and treated unburied corpses as dirt. This caused the disease to spread more deadly through the pagans.They leave bodies in the open, spreading germs (which they didnt know existed) quickly. Pagans that were still alive were more likely to convert to Christianity, recognizing the strong residential district and more favorable philosophy. Starks attached proposition for why Christianity spread so quickly had to do with its ridiculous appeal to women, something paganism was lacking concord to Stark. The sexual commitment of husbands to their wives was a new concept of this time. This was an ideology that was attractive to women, because of the lack of respect for women in pagan culture.Infanticide, abortion, and undervaluing the male life were explanations for Starks theory that Pagans lacked doctrines and values that would provide them with fertile women and an abundant population. Christians marital commitment to one another, their value of the female life, and no n-existent infanticide or abortion would have led to them having a significantly larger population according to Stark. Using these projections, he goes on to present numerical predictions that would have provided Christians with a larger population want to take refuge in the perceived safety of the Christian community.The Christians were well known to have grown mostly in urban settings, according to Stark. He paints a picture of what Roman cities what would have been like during the rise of Christianity, and the picture is not pretty. He specifically focuses on the city of Antioch, and describes a city with a life expectancy in the early twenties, no plumbing, cramped living quarters, crime, and constant natural disaster. Christianity told its followers that the chaos of the world was worth enduring, because your settle with for your good work here will be in the Kingdom of Heaven.This devotion, according to Stark, would have been oddly attractive to inhabitants of Roman cities who constantly suffered. He concludes his final chapters by reinforcing his theory that the chaos and suffering during this time presented Christianity with a rare opportunity to grow from a cult movement to a world power. He emphasizes the gentle and kind Christian dogma, and how inhabitants of Roman cities and surrounding areas would have embraced that new kind of theology. He explains that Christian virtue was attractive, and this caused consistently high conversions.According to Stark, there was no need for miraculous conversion events to achieve Christians get over of growth. The opportunity a disordered Roman Empire presented to he Christian cult, permitted a steady growth rate to continue through the first quaternity centuries A. D. In his preface, Stark states that some of his chapters were scripted first as essays for scholarly Journals to see how an audience would react to his thoughts on the subject. This explains why the structure of his book is not fluid, and has no s ense of continuity.He explains that this book was a bit of a hobby project for him to combine his profession of sociology with his love for history. l am a sociologist who sometimes works with historical materials and who has, in preparation of this illume, do his best to master the pertinent sources albeit mostly in English. His sociological conclusions are reliable and interesting, but his experience has mostly been science writing. Stark may need more practice writing to a non-professional audience to gain a sense of fluidity, and clarity.The format of this book is stimulating (for me, a person who loves scientific writing) half of the time, and the other half of the time it is difficult to read. An excerpt from his first chapter reads, Since this book is a work of both history and social science, I have written it for a nonprofessional audience. In this way I can make sure the social science is fully accessible to historians of the early church, slowdown preventing social scie ntists from becoming lost amidst obscure historical and textual references.By stating that his chosen audience is nonprofessional, he gives himself the emancipation to add in these unnecessary comments about sociologists being unable to follow textual references. Putting the sociological figures into historical context for Stark seems forced and slightly pretentious At the beginning of each new chapter, Stark clearly states his thesis, provides any previous propositions he may have had on the subject, and eaves little elbow room for opposition.He provides ample sources of other historians and social scientists that are in agreement with his theses, but few refutations. Rodney stark provides a central proposition to this work in the first chapter, Conversion to new, deviant religious root words occurs when, other things being equal, people have or develop stronger attachment to members of the group than they have to but it seems to be an staggeringly over simplified explanation o f why people convert to new religions.He does not address any other possible reasons for making the hooch to convert to a new religion such as, connecting with the theology of a religion of which one has no social connections, having social connections in a religious group that are negative, but overlooking this fact to pursue individual growth within a religion, or having equally strong connections to individuals that associate with different religions, but making a choice to convert to a religion based on personal free-will.This main proposition that people only convert when their social connections inside that religion are stronger than connections outside of that religion mess more like one reason out of many, rather than the main proposition to tie in all other information. He makes truly clear that his position is that, without strong social connections to members of a new cult, or sect, potential members will not make the rational choice to convert. Within this proposition, there are certainly many underrepresented converts. Mr..Stark excessively uses capitalized words, quotations, and italics to make his argument. Examples of this usage can usually be found in the first few excoriates opening a chapter. His opening passage of The Role of Women in Christian Growth dads, Amidst contemporary denunciations of Christianity as patriarchal and sexist, it is tardily forgotten that the early church was so especially attractive to women that in 370 the emperor Valentine (Pagan) issued a written order to Pope Damascus requiring that Christian missionaries cease calling at the homes of pagan women.Although some unblemished writers claimed that women were easy prey for any foreign superstition, most recognized that Christianity was unusually appealing (p. 95) It is important that not only the emotional use of italics and quotations be cited here, but also the leading sentence. This sentence introduces this works next pitfall, which is that Stark brings up irrel evant topics to heatedly dismiss other scholars who he disagrees with.In the wording of the leading sentence mentioned above, Stark dismisses the unidentified contemporaries he refers to as denouncing Christianity as patriarchal and sexist. This disagreement is irrelevant in the context of this book, because he suddenly refers to Christianity as a whole (patriarchal and sexist) as opposed to the Christianity of the first four centuries A. D. In The Rise of Christianity hen Rodney Stark is citing historical documents regarding the four centuries A. D. It is clear to the reader that Christianity may very well have been the leading feminist religion in the year 370. It is irrelevant to rant about his distaste for contemporaries who think Christianity is sexist in general. William Grimes, writer for the New York Times, says it best in his look into of another Rodney Starks, The Victory of Reason Mr.. Starks pugnacity often gets the better of him. He is contemptuously dismissive. Refer ences The Rise of Christianity by Rodney Stark

The Story of My Life in 400 Words

Let me graduation off by saying that writing essays isnt real my cup of tea. I divulge it rightfully difficult to begin as thither are so many different ways to do it. I can start with, One day exclusively then it would be alike common. purpose the right way to start a composition, for me, is the most taxing thing in the world to do. Then, theres also the problem of choosing which items to include and disregard. If the limit of words is four hundred then I must choose the words carefully. Otherwise, I might go over without getting my message across. Do you understand my dilemma?You might find this weird coming from someone who founds students write their stories. If they would only find out then that would make me the laughing-stock of the whole school. I wont waste your time any longer with this senseless talk and start with what Im supposed to write about. Everything started one Monday morning in November of 1975. This was when I made my entry to this world. I believe I mad e my parents really happy fairish by being here. Then there was elementary. Its where I learned about social interaction. I discovered that if Im nice to people then Ill make more friends but if Im not, then life will be lonely and miserable.From high school I learned that spending some time in making myself look presentable is important if I want to attract the attention of people from the opposite sex. Oh, yes Theres also college. In the university, I learned that we really live in a dog eat dog world. Competition is smashed and you must learn to cope oppositewise you wont survive. Despite of this, I learned to really fall in love for the first time. I wont really go into too much details as I would have to write another 400-word composition for this topic alone. later college, I tried my hand on a lot of different things.Off the top of my head, I remember working as a project assistant, administrative assistant, senior clerk and customer proceeds representative to name just a few. It wasnt until I tried my hand on pedagogics that I found my calling. Teaching is not for the weak of heart. You must be able to endure some(prenominal) heartaches and some disappointments before you can reap its rewards. But mind you, the rewards are tremendous. Being able to make a difference in the lives of your students is what it really is about. I cant think of any other way to live my life.

Walden and Transcendentalism

henry Thoreaus masterpiece, Walden or a Life in the Woods, shows the impact transcendentalism had on Thoreaus worldview. transcendental philosophy is a philosophy that asserts the primacy of the spiritual over the hearty. Transcendentalism wanders the emphasis on spiritual growth and understanding as opposed to worldly plea t corrodeworthys. Thoreaus liking of transcendentalism stressed the importance of nature and being close to nature. He believed that nature was a par adapted for spiritual enlightenment. A walk in the forest on that pointfore was a face for spiritual enlightenment.One should ensure through nature, non merely at her. In Walden, Thoreaus idea of transcendentalism is broken into trine areas. The first is the importance of the spiritual world as opposed to material wants. He accentuates this idea by explaining how the physical world only exists so that souls can experience carriage-time to the fullest. Thoreau speaks a great insure about physical propert y in the first chapter, entitled Economy. He keeps a exact record of the economic cost of his venture into the timber and explains to his readers his pity for the people who have numerous material possessions.Thoreau states, When I have met an immigrant tottering under a bundle which contained his allI have pitied him, not because that was his all, but because he had all that to carry. 1 The second transcendentalism theme is the idea of individuality- the idea that an individual is extraordinary and should act according to his soulality and ideals. Individuality is a basic idea of the transcendentalists and they firmly believed that one and only(a) should pursuit for self-discovery.Thoreau observed, Every man is the builder of a temple, called his body, to the god he worships, after a vogue purely his own, nor can he get off by hammering marble instead. 2 He emphasized the style as an individual style, one that was distinctive to each person. He even told his readers in Wald en that he went into the woods to search for knowledge and truth. Self-discovery and individuality were also attributed to any other characters in Walden that were mentioned. Thoreau takes great pains to suck each character, even down to the farmers wrinkled, sibyl-like, cone-headed3 infant in chapter 10, Baker Farm.He put to works sure his readers understand the unique attributes of each individual in his experiences. As Thoreau once said, It is what a man thinks of himself that rightfully determines his fate. The final prominent transcendentalism theme expressed in Walden is the importance of experiences. Transcendentalists believed personal experience is how one learned. Literally, people learned everything the hard way. Thoreau demonstrated this clearly in the experiment of living in the woods for two years. He explains in Walden that he wanted to experience living simply for an extended check of time.Notice that Thoreau did not speculate, draw conclusions, or even ask some one who had tried it. The only way, in his mind, that he was going to learn about living simply was to undergo it personally. In speaking about feel in the chapter, Where I lived and What I Lived For, Thoreau said,if life proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and authenticated meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world or if it were sublime, to know it by experience and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. 4 He emphasized living and touch sensation everything to be able to understand life and its meaning.Walden is often viewed as simply a proponent of environmental care and nature. However, it persuades the reader to do much more than take care of nature. In fact, nature is not even the most prominent ideal in Thoreaus writings. The thesis of Walden is clearly stated in the first few pages of the book. Thoreau writes, With respect to luxuries and comforts, the wisest have ever lived a more simple and meager life than the poorNone can be an impartial or wise observer of compassionate life but from the vantage ground of what we should call voluntary poverty. 5 The entirety of the Economy chapter is devoted to material possessions and Thoreaus idea that the physical pleasures exist only to help the soul endure. Very little time is fagged on the goodness of nature. When it is mentioned, it is shown, as was stated above, that nature serves as a sort of looking grump to spiritual ideals. Because this book was quoted often by radical groups in 1960-70, Walden became a sign of disobedience and mutiny to the conservative community. However, there are a few ideas of which Christians can approve. The first is non-materialism.Thoreau quotes Matthew 619 saying, By a seeming fate, commonly called necessity, they are employed, as it says in an old book, laying up treasures which moth and rust will corrupt and thieves break through and steal. It is a fools life, as they will watch when they get to the end of it, if not before. 6 He takes great pains throughout the entire book to make sure his readers understand that material possessions should not be the only thing in which people send all of their happiness. The second idea Christians can applaud is the idea of individuality.As was mentioned above, Thoreau kept the Transcendentalist idea of a persons individual worth in his writings. Because of this belief, he was one of the most outspoken human rights activists in his lifetime. He wrote A Plea for Captain John Brown supporting John Browns efforts to end slavery. Thoreau said, I do not believe in erecting statues to those who still live in our hearts, whose bones have not yet crumbled in the earth around us, but I would or else see the statue of Captain Brown in the Massachusetts State-House yard, than that of any other man whom I know. I rejoice that I live in this age, that I am his contemporary. 7 His belief in the basic human rights of every man stemmed from his support of individuality and the uniq ue worth of every person on this planet. Even though there are a few ideas that Christians can applaud in Walden, there is one of which they should be wary. This idea is the idea that rebellion and disobedience towards politics is acceptable if one believes the government is wrong. Ralph Waldo Emerson, in his eulogy for Thoreau, articulated this idea, saying that Thoreau opposed the government. Thoreau disrespected government officials by refusing to obey impose laws and compensable for it by spending a brief time in jail.However, many people, instead of realizing the negative find Thoreau was creating, idealized him for his patriotic stance. Thoreau says in Walden, One afternoon, near the end of the first summerI was seized and put into jail, because, as I have elsewhere related I did not pay a tax to, or recognize the pledge of, the state which buys and sells men, women, and children, like cattle at the door of its senate-house. 8 He did not recognize the authority of the gov ernment because of the slavery in the country. Even though slavery is immoral, Romans 131 clearly states, Let every person be subject to the governing authorities.For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 9 The give-and-take articulates that Christians must be subject to those whom God has laid into authority. Thoreau discourages this idea and instead institutes an attitude of rebellion. Christians should be cautious of this attitude and worldview. Very few instances occur in which Christians should rebel against authority. The only instance where they should rebel is under a government which demands that its citizens disobey Gods orders. Walden was written many years ago and yet, society can still learn from the authors words.Whether the ideas are detrimental or helpful, everyone can agree that Thoreau was a strong Transcendentalist with a distinct expectation. This mindset affects everyone who reads his works. Emerson once arti culated that Thoreau inspired many around him through his idealistic thinking. Thoreau has inspired, and will continue to inspire, numerous people through his book, Walden or a Life in the Woods. 1 total heat David Thoreau, Walden and Civil Disobedience (New York Barnes and Nobles Classics, 2003), 56. 2 Henry David Thoreau, Walden and Civil Disobedience (New York Barnes and Nobles Classics, 2003), 175. 3 Henry David Thoreau, Walden and Civil Disobedience (New York Barnes and Nobles Classics, 2003), 161 4 Henry David Thoreau, Walden and Civil Disobedience (New York Barnes and Nobles Classics, 2003), 74 (brackets added) 5 Henry David Thoreau, Walden and Civil Disobedience (New York Barnes and Nobles Classics, 2003), 16 6 Henry David Thoreau, Walden and Civil Disobedience (New York Barnes and Nobles Classics, 2003), 9 7 ThoreauOn John Brown, Virginia majority rule University, http//www. cu. edu/engweb/transcendentalism/authors/thoreau/johnbrown. html (accessed September 15, 20 10). 8 Henry David Thoreau, Walden and Civil Disobedience (New York Barnes and Nobles Classics, 2003), 137 9 Passage Romans 131 (ESV Bible Online), Good News / Crossway Home Christian Books, Gospel Tracts, and the English Standard Version (ESV) Bible, http//www. gnpcb. org/esv/search/? q=Romans 131 (accessed September 15, 2010).

Twilight 24. AN IMPASSE

24. AN IMPASSEMy font opened to a bright, white light. I was in an strange room, a white room. The w both be case me was c e very arrangeed in commodious vertical blinds over my gaffer, the glaring lights blind me. I was propped up on a hard, un evening bed a bed with rails. The pillows were prostrate and lumpy. t here was an annoying beeping effective slightlywhere tight by. I hoped that meant I was calm alive. Death shouldnt be this uncomfort qualified.My detainment were al ane twisted up with clear tubes, and some subject was tapedacross my vitrine, under my nose. I lifted my gain to rip it off.No, you dont. And cool fingers caught my hand.Edward? I turned my go jolly, and his exquisite display case was ripe inches from tap, his chin resting on the edge of my pillow. I realized again that I was alive, this duration with gratitude and elation. Oh, Edward, Im so sorryShhhh, he shushed me. E rattling(prenominal)things all right presently.What happened? I coul dnt think distinctly, and my mind rebelled against me as I seek to recall.I was close besides late. I could draw been too late, he whispe departure, his region tormented.I was so stupid, Edward. I opinion he had my milliampere.He tricked us all.I desire to call Charlie and my mom, I realized through the haze.Alice called them. Ren?e is here well, here in the hospital. Shes lastting something to eat right now.Shes here? I tried to sit up, besides the spinning in my head accelerated, and his hand pushed me piano buck onto the pillows.Shell be anchor soon, he strollised. And you choose to apprehension still. yet what did you speciate her? I affrightked. I had no interest in cosmos soothed. My mom was here and I was recovering from a lamia attack. why did you tell her Im here?You fell d take in the m come forthh cardinal flights of stairs and through a window. He paused. You take a shit to assume, it could happen.I sighed, and it hurt. I st ard down at my body under the sheet, the huge lump that was my leg.How bad am I? I hireed.You have a bustn leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering e precise inch of your skin, and youve lost a lot of blood. They gave you a fewer transfusions. I didnt standardised it it disturbede you smell all wrong for a date.That essential have been a nice change for you.No, I the identical how you smell.How did you do it? I asked quietly. He knew what I meant at once.Im not sure. He figureed a federal agency from my curioing eye, lifting my gauze- engrossed hand from the bed and h dodderying it gently in his, careful not to disrupt the wire connecting me to wizard of the monitors.I waited patiently for the rest.He sighed with forth re rhythm my gaze. It was impossible to stop, he whispered. Impossible. plainly I did. He looked up finally, with half a grimace. I must relish you.Dont I taste as safe as I smell? I grinningd in response. That hurt my grammatical construct ion.Even better better than Id call upd.Im sorry, I freed.He raised his eyeball to the ceiling. Of all the things to apologize for.What should I apologize for?For very nearly taking yourself away from me forever.Im sorry, I apologized again.I hump wherefore you did it. His vocalism was comforting. It was still irrational, of course. You should have waited for me, you should have told me.You wouldnt have let me go.No, he agreed in a grim tone, I wouldnt. around very unpleasant memories were beginning to come back to me. I shuddered, and accordingly winced.He was instantly anxious. Bella, whats wrong?What happened to James?After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him. there was a fierce note of regret in his voice.This confused me. I didnt see Emmett and Jasper in that location.They had to leave the room there was a lot of blood. only when you stayed.Yes, I stayed.And Alice, and Carlisle I verbalise in wonder.They sexual love you, too, you see.A bodacio us of disturbful images from the last time Id seen Alice reminded me of something. Did Alice see the tape? I asked anxiously.Yes. A new sound darken his voice, a tone of sheer hatred.She was always in the dark, thats why she didnt remember.I hunch forward. She understands now. His voice was even, simply his face was down in the mouth with fury.I tried to r all(prenominal) his face with my free hand, hardly something stopped me. I glanced down to see the IV pulling at my hand.Ugh. I winced.What is it? he asked anxiously distracted, just now not enough. The bleakness did not entirely leave his look.Needles, I explained, looking away from the one in my hand. I turn on a warped ceiling tile and tried to breathe deeply despite the yen in my ribs.Afraid of a needinessle, he muttered to himself under his breath, shaking his head. Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to admit him. An IV, on the other handI rolled my eyes. I wa s pleased to discover that this reaction, at least, was pain-free. I decided to change the subject.Why are you here? I asked.He surveyd at me, commencement ceremony confusion and thusly hurt touching his eyes. His brows pulled to birthher as he frowned. Do you compliments me to leave?No I protested, horrified by the ideal. No, I meant, why does my go deliberate youre here? I need to have my story straight before she gets back.Oh, he state, and his brow smoothed back into marble. I came to Phoenix to talk some sense into you, to convince you to come back to Forks. His immense eyes were so earnest and sincere, I most entrustd him myself. You agreed to see me, and you drove out to the hotel where I was staying with Carlisle and Alice of course I was here with enate supervision, he inserted virtuously, but you tripped on the stairs on the way to my room and well, you know the rest. You dont need to remember whatsoever details, though you have a full(a) excuse to be a smal lish muddled closely the finer points.I thought roughly it for a moment. There are a few flaws with that story. manage no broken windows.Not sincerely, he said. Alice had a little bit too oftentimes fun fabricating evidence. Its all been namen care of very convincingly you could probably sue the hotel if you wanted to. You have nothing to trouble roughly, he promised, stroking my hardihood with the lightest of touches. Your completely job now is to heal.I wasnt so lost to the soreness or the fog of music that I didnt respond to his touch. The beeping of the monitor jumped somewhat erratically now he wasnt the yet one who could try out my demote upont misbehave.Thats way out to be embarrassing, I muttered to myself.He chuckled, and a speculative look came into his eye. Hmm, I wonderHe leaned in slowly the beeping noise accelerated wildly before his lips even touched me. tho when they did, though with the most gentle of pressure, the beeping stopped altogether.He p ulled back abruptly, his anxious port turning to backup as the monitor reported the restarting of my flavour.It awaits that Im divergence to have to be even more than than careful with you than usual. He frowned.I was not finished kissing you, I complained. Dont make me come over there.He grinned, and b stoped to press his lips lightly to mine. The monitor went wild.But indeed his lips were taut. He pulled away.I cypher I hear your mother, he said, grinning again.Dont leave me, I cried, an irrational surge of panic flooding through me. I couldnt let him go he aptitude disappear from me again.He read the terror in my eyes for a short second. I wont, he promised solemnly, and whereforece(prenominal) he smiled. Ill take a nap.He move from the hard plastic c hairsbreadth by my side to the turquoise faux-leather recliner at the foot of my bed, proclivity it all the way back, and closing his eyes. He was perfectly still.Dont forget to breathe, I whispered sarcastically. He took a deep breath, his eyes still closed.I could hear my mother now. She was talking to someone, maybe a nurse, and she sounded devolve and up treated. I wanted to jump out of the bed and run to her, to calm her, promise that everything was fine. But I wasnt in any sort of shape for jumping, so I waited impatiently.The door opened a crack, and she peeked through.mammy I whispered, my voice full of love and relief.She took in Edwards still form on the recliner, and tiptoed to my bedside.He neer leaves, does he? she mumbled to herself. florists chrysanthemum, Im so glad to see youShe bent down to hug me gently, and I felt fast tears falling on my cheeks.Bella, I was so upsetIm sorry, Mom. But everythings fine now, its okay, I soothe her.Im except glad to finally see your eyes open. She sat on the edge of my bed.I unawares realized I didnt have any idea when it was. How long have they been closed?Its Friday, hon, youve been out for a while.Friday? I was shocked. I tried to reme mber what day it had been when but I didnt want to think about that.They had to keep you sedated for a while, making love youve got a lot of injuries.I know. I could feel them.Youre lucky Dr. Cullen was there. Hes much(prenominal) a nice man very young, though. And he looks more like a model than a doctorYou met Carlisle?And Edwards sister Alice. Shes a lovely girl.She is, I agreed wholeheartedly.She glanced over her shoulder at Edward, untruth with his eyes closed in the chair. You didnt tell me you had such best friends in Forks.I cringed, and then moaned.What hurts? she demanded anxiously, turning back to me. Edwards eyes flashed to my face.Its fine, I assured them. I average have to remember not to move. He lapsed back into his phony slumber.I took advantage of my mothers momentary distraction to keep the subject from returning(a) to my less-than-candid behavior. Wheres Phil? I asked quickly.Florida oh, Bella Youll never supposition dear when we were about to leave, t he best newsPhil got signed? I computeed.Yes How did you guess The Suns, can you believe it?Thats great, Mom, I said as enthusiastically as I could manage, though I had little idea what that meant.And youll like Jacksonville so much, she gushed while I stared at her vacantly. I was a little bit worried when Phil started talking about Akron, what with the snow and everything, because you know how I hate the ice-cold, but now Jacksonville Its always sunny, and the humidity rattling isnt that bad. We found the bedest house, yellow, with white trim, and a porch just like in an old movie, and this huge oak tree, and its just a few minutes from the ocean, and youll have your own bathroom -Wait, Mom I interrupted. Edward still had his eyes closed, but he looked too tense to pass as asleep. What are you talking about? Im not dismission to Florida. I live in Forks.But you dont have to anymore, silly, she laughed. Phil go away be able to be almost so much more now weve talked about it a lot, and what Im leaving to do is trade off on the away games, half the time with you, half the time with him.Mom. I hesitated, wondering how best to be diplomatic about this. I want to live in Forks. Im al launch settled in at school, and I have a couple of girlfriends she glanced toward Edward again when I reminded her of friends, so I tried another direction and Charlie needs me. Hes just all alone up there, and he cant cook at all.You want to stay in Forks? she asked, bewildered. The idea was inconceivable to her. And then her eyes flickered back toward Edward. Why?I told you school, Charlie ouch Id shrugged. Not a good idea.Her hands fluttered military servicelessly over me, trying to find a safe place to pat. She make do with my forehead it was unbandaged.Bella, honey, you hate Forks, she reminded me.Its not so bad.She frowned and looked back and forth between Edward and me, this time very deliberately.Is it this boy? she whispered.I opened my mouth to lie, but her e yes were scrutinizing my face, and I knew she would see through that.Hes part of it, I admitted. No need to confess how great(p) a part. So, have you had a chance to talk with Edward? I asked.Yes. She hesitated, looking at his perfectly still form. And I want to talk to you about that.Uh-oh. What about? I asked.I think that boy is in love with you, she accused, keeping her voice low.I think so, too, I confided.And how do you feel about him? She solely poorly concealed the raging curiosity in her voice.I sighed, looking away. As much as I loved my mom, this was not a conversation I wanted to have with her. Im pretty uncivilized about him. There that sounded like something a teenager with her first boyfriend might say.fountainhead, he seems very nice, and, my goodness, hes incredibly good-looking, but youre so young, Bella Her voice was unsure as farthest as I could remember, this was the first time since I was eight that shed come close to trying to sound like a parental authori ty. I recognized the reasonable-but-firm tone of voice from talks Id had with her about men.I know that, Mom. Dont worry about it. Its just a crush, I soothed her.Thats right, she agreed, easily pleased. thusly she sighed and glanced guiltily over her shoulder at the big, round quantify on the wall.Do you need to go?She bit her lip. Phils sibylline to call in a little while I didnt know you were going to wake upNo problem, Mom. I tried to tone down the relief so she wouldnt get her feelings hurt. I wont be alone.Ill be back soon. Ive been quiescence here, you know, she announced, proud of herself.Oh, Mom, you dont have to do that You can sleep at home Ill never notice. The swirl of painkillers in my brain was making it hard to concentrate even now, though, apparently, Id been sleeping for days.I was too nervous, she admitted shamefacedly. Theres been some plague in the neighborhood, and I dont like being there alone.Crime? I asked in alarm.Someone broke into that move studio around the corner from the house and burned it to the ground theres nothing left field at all And they left a stealn car right out front. Do you remember when you used to dance there, honey?I remember. I shivered, and winced.I can stay, baby, if you need me.No, Mom, Ill be fine. Edward go away be with me.She looked like that might be why she wanted to stay. Ill be back tonight. It sounded as much like a warning as it sounded like a promise, and she glanced at Edward again as she said it.I love you, Mom.I love you, too, Bella. Try to be more careful when you walk, honey, I dont want to lose you.Edwards eyes stayed closed, but a wide grin flashed across his face.A nurse came bustling in then to check all my tubes and wires. My mother kissed my forehead, patted my gauze-wrapped hand, and left.The nurse was checking the paper readout on my heart monitor.Are you feeling anxious, honey? Your heart rate got a little high there.Im fine, I assured her.Ill tell your RN that youre awake. Sh ell be in to see you in a minute.As soon as she closed the door, Edward was at my side.You stole a car? I raised my eyebrows.He smiled, unrepentant. It was a good car, very fast.How was your nap? I asked.Interesting. His eyes takeed.What?He looked down while he answered. Im surprised. I thought Florida and your mother well, I thought thats what you would want.I stared at him uncomprehendingly. But youd be stuck inside all day in Florida. Youd only be able to come out at night, just like a real vampire.He just about smiled, but not quite. And then his face was grave. I would stay in Forks, Bella. Or somewhere like it, he explained. Someplace where I couldnt hurt you anymore.It didnt sink in at first. I proceed to stare at him blankly as the excogitates one by one clicked into place in my head like a ghastly puzzle. I was barely conscious of the sound of my heart accelerating, though, as my public discussion became hyperventilation, I was aware of the sharp aching in my protestin g ribs.He didnt say anything he watched my face warily as the pain that had nothing to do with broken bones, pain that was infinitely worse, threatened to crush me.And then another nurse walked purposefully into the room. Edward sat still as stone as she took in my mien with a practiced eye before turning to the monitors.Time for more pain meds, sweetheart? she asked kindly, tapping the IV feed.No, no, I mumbled, trying to keep the agony out of my voice. I dont need anything. I couldnt afford to close my eyes now.No need to be brave, honey. Its better if you dont get too stressed out you need to rest. She waited, but I just shook my head.Okay, she sighed. Hit the call button when youre ready.She gave Edward a stern look, and threw one more anxious glance at the machinery, before leaving.His cool hands were on my face I stared at him with wild eyes.Shhh, Bella, calm down.Dont leave me, I begged in a broken voice.I wont, he promised. Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate y ou.But my heart couldnt slow.Bella. He stroked my face anxiously. Im not going anywhere. Ill be right here as long as you need me.Do you swear you wont leave me? I whispered. I tried to control the gasping, at least. My ribs were throbbing.He put his hands on either side of my face and brought his face close to mine. His eyes were wide and serious. I swear.The smell of his breath was soothing. It seemed to ease the ache of my breathing. He continued to hold my gaze while my body slowly relaxed and the beeping returned to a normal pace. His eyes were dark, side by side(predicate) to black than gold today.Better? he asked.Yes, I said cautiously.He shook his head and muttered something unintelligible. I thought I picked out the word overreaction.Why did you say that? I whispered, trying to keep my voice from shaking. Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you want me to go away?No, I dont want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rational. And I have no problem wit h saving you, either if it werent for the fact that I was the one place you in danger that Im the reason thatyoure here.Yes, you are the reason. I frowned. The reason Im here alive.Barely. His voice was just a whisper. Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move.I wasnt referring to my most recent near-death experience, I said, growing irritated. I was thinking of the others you can take your pick. If it werent for you, I would be rotting away in the Forks cemetery.He winced at my talking to, but the haunted look didnt leave his eyes.Thats not the worst part, though, he continued to whisper. He acted as if I hadnt spoken. Not seeing you there on the floor crumpled and broken. His voice was choked. Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain all those unbearable memories that Ill carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling knowing that I couldnt stop. believe that I was going to kill you myself.But you didnt.I could have. So easily.I knew I needed to stay calm but he was trying to talk himself into leaving me, and the panic fluttered in my lungs, trying to get out.Promise me, I whispered.What?You know what. I was starting to get wroth now. He was so mulishly determined to dwell on the negative.He heard the change in my tone. His eyes tightened. I dont seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that youll get your way whether it kills you or not, he added roughly.Good. He hadnt promised, though a fact that I had not missed. The panic was only barely contained I had no strength left to control the anger. You told me how you stopped now I want to know why, I demanded.Why? he repeated warily.Why you did it. Why didnt you just let the bitchiness spread? By now I would be just like you.Edwards eyes seemed to turn flat black, and I remembered that this was something hed never intended me to know. Alice must have been preoccupied by the things shed learned about herself or shed been v ery careful with her thoughts around him clearly, hed had no idea that shed filled me in on the mechanics of vampire conversions. He was surprised, and infuriated. His nostrils flared, his mouth looked as if it was chiseled from stone.He wasnt going to answer, that much was clear.Ill be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships, I said. But it just seems logical a man and woman have to be somewhat equal as in, one of them cant always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally.He folded his arms on the side of my bed and rested his chin on his arms. His expression was smooth, the anger reined in. Evidently hed decided he wasnt angry with me. I hoped Id get a chance to warn Alice before he caught up with her.You have saved me, he said quietly.I cant always be Lois Lane, I insisted. I want to be Superman, too.You dont know what youre asking. His voice was soft he stared intently at the edge of the pillowcase.I think I do.Bella, you dont know. Ive had almost ninety years to think about this, and Im still not sure.Do you wish that Carlisle hadnt saved you?No, I dont wish that. He paused before continuing. But my life was over. I wasnt giving anything up.You are my life. Youre the only thing it would hurt me to lose. I was getting better at this. It was easy to admit how much I needed him.He was very calm, though. Decided.I cant do it, Bella. I wont do that to you.Why not? My throat rasped and the words werent as loud as Id meant them to be. Dont tell me its too hard After today, or I guess it was a few days ago anyway, after that, it should be nothing.He glared at me.And the pain? he asked.I blanched. I couldnt sustain it. But I tried to keep my expression from showing how clearly I remembered the feeling the fire in my veins.Thats my problem, I said. I can handle it.Its possible to take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity.Its not an issue. Three days. Big deal.Edward grimaced again as my words reminded him that I was more informed than he had ever intended me to be. I watched him repress the anger, watched as his eyes grew speculative.Charlie? he asked curtly. Ren?e?Minutes passed in silence as I struggled to answer his question. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. I closed it again. He waited, and his expression became triumphant because he knew I had no accepted answer.Look, thats not an issue either, I finally muttered my voice was as unconvincing as it always was when I lied. Ren?e has always made the choices that work for her shed want me to do the same. And Charlies resilient, hes used to being on his own. I cant take care of them forever. I have my own life to live.Exactly, he snapped. And I wont end it for you.If youre postponement for me to be on my deathbed, Ive got news for you I was just thereYoure going to recover, he reminded me.I took a deep breath to calm myself, ignoring the spasm of pain it triggered. I stared at him, and he stared back. There was no compromise in his face.No, I said slowly. Im not.His forehead creased. Of course you are. You may have a dinero or twoYoure wrong, I insisted. Im going to die.Really, Bella. He was anxious now. Youll be out of here in a fewdays. Two week at most.I glared at him. I may not die now but Im going to die sometime. Every minute of the day, I get closer. And Im going to get old.He frowned as what I was saw sunk in, pressing his long fingers to his temples and closing his eyes. Thats how its supposed to happen. How it should happen. How it would have happened if I didnt exist and I shouldnt exist.I snorted. He opened his eyes in surprise. Thats stupid. Thats like going to someone whos just won the lottery, taking their money, and saying, Look, lets just go back to how things should be. Its better that way. And Im not buying it.Im hardly a lottery prize, he growled.Thats right. Youre much better.He rolled his eyes and set his lips. Bella, were not having this discussion anymore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and thats the end of it.If you think thats the end, then you dont know me very well, I warned him. Youre not the only vampire I know.His eyes went black again. Alice wouldnt dare.And for a moment he looked so frightening that I couldnt help but believe it I couldnt imagine someone brave enough to cross him.Alice already saw it, didnt she? I guessed. Thats why the things she says upset you. She knows Im going to be like you someday.Shes wrong. She also saw you dead, but that didnt happen, either.Youll never catch me betting against Alice.We stared at each other for a very long time. It was quiet except for the whirring of the machines, the beeping, the dripping, the ticking of the big clock on the wall. Finally, his expression softened.So where does that leave us? I wondered.He chuckled humorlessly. I believe its called an impasse.I sighed. Ouch, I muttered.How are you feeling? he asked, eyeing the button for the nurse.Im fine, I lied.I don t believe you, he said gently.Im not going back to sleep.You need rest. All this arguing isnt good for you.So do in, I hinted.Nice try. He reached for the button.NoHe ignored me.Yes? the speaker on the wall squawked.I think were ready for more pain medication, he said calmly, ignoring my furious expression.Ill send in the nurse. The voice sounded very bored.I wont take it, I promised.He looked toward the sack of fluids hanging beside my bed. I dont think theyre going to ask you to swallow anything.My heart rate started to climb. He read the fear in my eyes, and sighed in frustration.Bella, youre in pain. You need to relax so you can heal. Why are you being so difficult? Theyre not going to put any more needles in you now.Im not afraid of the needles, I mumbled. Im afraid to close my eyes.Then he smiled his crooked smile, and took my face between his hands. I told you Im not going anywhere. Dont be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, Ill be here.I smiled back, ignoring the ache i n my cheeks. Youre talking about forever, you know.Oh, youll get over it its just a crush.I shook my head in disbelief- it made me dizzy. I was shocked when Ren?e swallowed that one. I know you know better.Thats the beautiful thing about being human, he told me. Things change.My eyes narrowed. Dont hold your breath.He was laughing when the nurse came in, brandishing a syringe.Excuse me, she said brusquely to Edward.He got up and crossed to the end of the small room, leaning against the wall. He folded his arms and waited. I kept my eyes on him, still apprehensive. He met my gaze calmly.Here you go, honey. The nurse smiled as she injected the medicine into my tube. Youll feel better now.Thanks, I mumbled, unenthusiastic. It didnt take long. I could feel the drowsiness trickling through my bloodstream almost immediately.That ought to do it, she muttered as my eyelids drooped.She must have left the room, because something cold and smooth touched my face.Stay. The word was slurred.I w ill, he promised. His voice was beautiful, like a lullaby. Like I said, as long as it makes you happy as long as its whats best for you.I tried to shake my head, but it was too heavy. S not the same thing, I mumbled.He laughed. Dont worry about that now, Bella. You can argue with me when you wake up.I think I smiled. Kay.I could feel his lips at my ear.I love you, he whispered.Me, too.I know, he laughed quietly.I turned my head slightly searching. He knew what I was after. His lipstouched mine gently.Thanks, I sighed.Anytime.I wasnt really there at all anymore. But I fought against the stupor weakly. There was just one more thing I wanted to tell him.Edward? I struggled to pronounce his name clearly.Yes?Im betting on Alice, I mumbled.And then the night closed over me.EPILOGUEAN OCCASIONEdward helped me into his car, being very careful of the wisps of silk and chiffon, the flowers hed just pinned into my elaborately styled curls, and my bulky walking cast. He ignored the angry set of my mouth.When he had me settled, he got in the drivers seat and headed back out the long, narrow drive.At what point exactly are you going to tell me whats going on? I asked grumpily. I really hated surprises. And he knew that.Im shocked that you havent figured it out yet. He threw a mocking smile in my direction, and my breath caught in my throat. Would I ever get used to his perfection?I did have in mind that you looked very nice, didnt I? I verified.Yes. He grinned again. Id never seen him range in black before, and, with the contrast against his blench skin, his beauty was absolutely surreal. That much I couldnt deny, even if the fact that he was wearing a tux made me very nervous.Not quite as nervous as the queue up. Or the shoe. Only one shoe, as my other foot was still securely encased in plaster. But the stiletto heel, held on only by satin ribbons, certainly wasnt going to help me as I tried to hobble around.Im not approaching over anymore if Alice is going to treat me like Guinea Pig Barbie when I do, I griped. Id dog-tired the better part of the day in Alices staggeringly vast bathroom, a helpless victim as she played hairdresser and cosmetician. Whenever I fidgeted or complained, she reminded me that she didnt have any memories of being human, and asked me not to ruin her secondary fun. Then shed dressed me in the most ridiculous dress deep blue, frilly and off the shoulders, with french tags I couldnt read a dress more suitable for a runway than Forks. Nothing good could come of our formal attire, of that I was sure. Unless but I was afraid to put my suspicions into words, even in my own head.I was distracted then by the sound of a phone ringing. Edward pulled his cell phone from a pocket inside his jacket, looking briefly at the caller ID before answering.Hello, Charlie, he said warily.Charlie? I frowned.Charlie had been difficult since my return to Forks. He hadcompartmentalized my bad experience into two defined reactions. Toward Ca rlisle he was almost worshipfully grateful. On the other hand, he was stubbornly convinced that Edward was at fault because, if not for him, I wouldnt have left home in the first place. And Edward was far from disagreeing with him. These days I had rules that hadnt existed before curfews visiting hours.Something Charlie was saying made Edwards eyes widen in disbelief, and then a grin spread across his face.Youre kidding He laughed.What is it? I demanded.He ignored me. Why dont you let me talk to him? Edward suggested with evident pleasure. He waited for a few seconds.Hello, Tyler, this is Edward Cullen. His voice was very friendly, on the surface. I knew it well enough to catch the soft edge of menace. What was Tyler doing at my house? The awful truth began to dawn on me. I looked again at the inappropriate dress Alice had crusaded me into.Im sorry if theres been some kind of miscommunication, but Bella is unobtainable tonight. Edwards tone changed, and the threat in his voice wa s suddenly much more evident as he continued. To be perfectly honest, shell be unavailable every night, as far as anyone besides myself is concerned. No offense. And Im sorry about your evening. He didnt sound sorry at all. And then he snapped the phone shut, a huge smirk on his face.My face and neck flushed crimson with anger. I could feel the rage-induced tears starting to fill my eyes.He looked at me in surprise. Was that last part a bit too much? I didnt mean to despoil you.I ignored that.Youre taking me to the prom I yelled.It was embarrassingly obvious now. If Id been paying any trouble at all, Im sure I would have noticed the date on the posters that decorated the school buildings. But Id never dreamed he was thinking of subjecting me to this. Didnt he know me at all?He wasnt expecting the force of my reaction, that was clear. He pressed his lips together and his eyes narrowed. Dont be difficult, Bella.My eyes flashed to the window we were halfway to the school already.Why are you doing this to me? I demanded in horror.He gestured to his tuxedo. Honestly, Bella, what did you think we were doing?I was mortified. First, because Id missed the obvious. And also because the vague suspicions expectations, really that Id been forming all day, as Alice tried to transform me into a beauty queen, were so far wide of the mark. My half-fearful hopes seemed very silly now.Id guessed there was some kind of occasion brewing. But prom That was the furthest thing from my mind.The angry tears rolled over my cheeks. I remembered with dismay that I was very uncharacteristically wearing mascara. I wiped quickly under my eyes to prevent any smudges. My hand was unblackened when I pulled it away maybe Alice had know I would need waterproof makeup.This is completely ridiculous. Why are you crying? he demanded in frustration.Because Im madBella. He turned the full force of his scorching golden eyes on me.What? I muttered, distracted. irritation me, he insisted.His eyes were melting all my fury. It was impossible to fight with him when he cheated like that. I gave in with poor grace.Fine, I pouted, unable to glare as effectively as I would have liked. Ill go quietly. But youll see. Im way overdue for more bad luck. Ill probably break my other leg. Look at this shoe Its a death trap I held out my good leg as evidence.Hmmm. He stared at my leg longer than was necessary. Remind me to thank Alice for that tonight.Alice is going to be there? That comforted me slightly.With Jasper, and Emmett and Rosalie, he admitted.The feeling of comfort disappeared. There had been no progress with Rosalie, though I was on quite good terms with her sometimes-husband. Emmett enjoyed having me around he thought my bizarre human reactions were hilarious or maybe it was just the fact that I fell down a lot that he found so funny. Rosalie acted as if I didnt exist. While I shook my head to dispel the direction my thoughts had taken, I thought of something else.Is Charlie in on this? I asked, suddenly suspicious.Of course. He grinned, and then chuckled. Apparently Tyler wasnt, though.I gritted my teeth. How Tyler could be so delusional, I couldnt imagine. At school, where Charlie couldnt interfere, Edward and I were inseparable except for those rare sunny days.We were at the school now Rosalies red convertible was conspicuous in the parking lot. The clouds were thin today, a few streaks of sunlight escaping through far away in the west.He got out and walked around the car to open my door. He held out his hand.I sat stubbornly in my seat, arms folded, feeling a secret twinge of smugness. The lot was crowd with people in formal dress witnesses. He couldnt remove me forcibly from the car as he might have if wed been alone.He sighed. When someone wants to kill you, youre brave as a lion and then when someone mentions dancing He shook his head.I gulped. Dancing.Bella, I wont let anything hurt you not even yourself. I wont let go of you once, I promise.I th ought about that and suddenly felt much better. He could see that in my face.There, now, he said gently, it wont be so bad. He leaned down and wrapped one arm around my waist. I took his other hand and let him lift me from the car.He kept his arm tightly around me, supporting me as I limped toward the school.In Phoenix, they held proms in hotel ballrooms. This dance was in the gym, of course. It was probably the only room in town big enough for a dance. When we got inside, I giggled. There were actual balloon archesand twisted garlands of pastel crepe paper festooning the walls.This looks like a horror movie waiting to happen, I snickered.Well, he muttered as we slowly approached the ticket table he was carrying most of my weight, but I still had to shuffle and wobble my feet forward there are more than enough vampires present.I looked at the dance floor a wide gap had formed in the center of the floor, where two couples whirled gracefully. The other dancers pressed to the sides o f the room to give them space no one wanted to stand in contrast with such radiance. Emmett and Jasper were intimidating and flawless in classic tuxedos. Alice was striking in a black satin dress with geometric cutouts that bared large triangles of her snowy white skin. And Rosalie was well, Rosalie. She was beyond belief. Her vivid scarlet dress was backless, tight to her calves where it flared into a wide ruffled train, with a neckline that plunged to her waist. I pitied every girl in the room, myself included.Do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk? I whispered conspiratorially.And where do you fit into that scheme? He glared.Oh, Im with the vampires, of course.He smiled reluctantly. Anything to get out of dancing.Anything.He bought our tickets, then turned me toward the dance floor. I cringed against his arm and dragged my feet.Ive got all night, he warned.Eventually he towed me out to where his family was twirling elegantly if in a styl e totally unsuitable to the present time and music. I watched in horror.Edward. My throat was so prohibitionist I could only manage a whisper. I honestly cant dance I could feel the panic bubbling up inside my chest.Dont worry, silly, he whispered back. I can. He put my arms around his neck and lifted me to slide his feet under mine.And then we were whirling, too.I feel like Im five years old, I laughed after a few minutes of effortless waltzing.You dont look five, he murmured, pulling me closer for a second, so that my feet were briefly a foot from the ground.Alice caught my eye on a turn and smiled in encouragement I smiled back. I was surprised to realize that I was actually enjoying myself a little.Okay, this isnt half bad, I admitted.But Edward was stark(a) toward the doors, and his face was angry.What is it? I wondered aloud. I followed his gaze, disoriented by the spinning, but finally I could see what was bothering him. Jacob Black, not in a tux, but in a long-sleeved whi te shirt and tie, his hair smoothed back into his usual ponytail, was crossing the floor toward us.After the first shock of recognition, I couldnt help but feel bad for Jacob. He was clearly uncomfortable excruciatingly so. His face was apologetic as his eyes met mine.Edward snarled very quietly.Behave I hissed.Edwards voice was scathing. He wants to chat with you.Jacob reached us then, the overplus and apology even more evident on his face.Hey, Bella, I was hoping you would be here. Jacob sounded like hed been hoping the exact opposite. But his smile was just as warm as ever.Hi, Jacob. I smiled back. Whats up?Can I cut in? he asked tentatively, glancing at Edward for the first time. I was shocked to notice that Jacob didnt have to look up. He must have grown half a foot since the first time Id seen him.Edwards face was composed, his expression blank. His only answer was to set me carefully on my feet, and take a step back.Thanks, Jacob said amiably.Edward just nodded, looking at me intently before he turned to walk away.Jacob put his hands on my waist, and I reached up to put my hands on his shoulders.Wow, Jake, how tall are you now?He was smug. Six-two.We werent really dancing my leg made that impossible. Instead we swayed awkwardly from side to side without moving our feet. It was just as well the recent growth spurt had left him looking gangly and uncoordinated, he was probably no better a dancer than I was.So, how did you end up here tonight? I asked without legitimate curiosity. Considering Edwards reaction, I could guess.Can you believe my dad paid me twenty bucks to come to your prom? he admitted, slightly ashamed.Yes, I can, I muttered. Well, I hope youre enjoying yourself, at least. Seen anything you like? I teased, nodding toward a chemical group of girls lined up against the wall like pastel confections.Yeah, he sighed. But shes taken.He glanced down to meet my amusing gaze for just a second then we both looked away, embarrassed.You look rea lly pretty, by the way, he added shyly.Um, thanks. So why did Billy pay you to come here? I asked quickly, though I knew the answer.Jacob didnt seem grateful for the subject change he looked away, uncomfortable again. He said it was a safe place to talk to you. I swear the old man is losing his mind.I joined in his laughter weakly.Anyway, he said that if I told you something, he would get me that master cylinder I need, he confessed with a sheepish grin.Tell me, then. I want you to get your car finished. I grinned back. At least Jacob didnt believe any of this. It made the situation a bit easier. Against the wall, Edward was watching my face, his own face expressionless. I saw a sophomore in a pink dress eyeing him with timid speculation, but he didnt seem to be aware of her.Jacob looked away again, ashamed. Dont get mad, okay?Theres no way Ill be mad at you, Jacob, I assured him. I wont even be mad at Billy. Just say what you have to.Well this is so stupid, Im sorry, Bella he wan ts you to break up with your boyfriend. He asked me to tell you please. He shook his head in disgust.Hes still superstitious, eh?Yeah. He was kind of over the top when you got hurt down in Phoenix. He didnt believeJacob trailed off self-consciously.My eyes narrowed. I fell.I know that, Jacob said quickly.He thinks Edward had something to do with me getting hurt. It wasnt a question, and despite my promise, I was angry.Jacob wouldnt meet my eyes. We werent even bothering to sway to the music, though his hands were still on my waist, and mine around his neck.Look, Jacob, I know Billy probably wont believe this, but just so you know he looked at me now, responding to the new earnestness in my voice Edward really did save my life. If it werent for Edward and his father, Id be dead.I know, he claimed, but he sounded like my sincere words had affected him some. Maybe hed be able to convince Billy of this much, at least.Hey, Im sorry you had to come do this, Jacob, I apologized. At any r ate, you get your parts, right?Yeah, he muttered. He was still looking awkward upset.Theres more? I asked in disbelief. deflect it, he mumbled, Ill get a job and save the money myself.I glared at him until he met my gaze. Just spit it out, Jacob.Its so bad.I dont care. Tell me, I insisted.Okay but, geez, this sounds bad. He shook his head. He said to tell you, no, to warn you, that and this is his plural, not mine he lifted one hand from my waist and made little quotations marks in the air Well be watching. He watched warily for my reaction.It sounded like something from a mafia movie. I laughed out loud.Sorry you had to do this, Jake, I snickered.I dont mind that much. He grinned in relief. His eyes were appraising as they raked quickly over my dress. So, should I tell him you said to butt the hell out? he asked hopefully.No, I sighed. Tell him I said thanks. I know he means well.The air ended, and I dropped my arms.His hands hesitated at my waist, and he glanced at my bum leg . Do you want to dance again? Or can I help you get somewhere?Edward answered for me. Thats all right, Jacob. Ill take it from here.Jacob flinched, and stared wide-eyed at Edward, who stood just beside us.Hey, I didnt see you there, he mumbled. I guess Ill see you around, Bella. He stepped back, waving halfheartedly.I smiled. Yeah, Ill see you later.Sorry, he said again before he turned for the door.Edwards arms wound around me as the next song started. It was a little up-tempo for slow dancing, but that didnt seem to concern him. I leaned my head against his chest, content.Feeling better? I teased.Not really, he said tersely.Dont be mad at Billy, I sighed. He just worries about me for Charlies sake. Its nothing personal.Im not mad at Billy, he rectify in a clipped voice. But his son is irritating me.I pulled back to look at him. His face was very serious.Why?First of all, he made me break my promise.I stared at him in confusion.He half-smiled. I promised I wouldnt let go of you to night, he explained.Oh. Well, I forgive you.Thanks. But theres something else. Edward frowned.I waited patiently.He called you pretty, he finally continued, his frown deepening. Thats practically an insult, the way you look right now. Youre much more than beautiful.I laughed. You might be a little biased.I dont think thats it. Besides, I have slight eyesight.We were twirling again, my feet on his as he held me close.So are you going to explain the reason for all of this? I wondered.He looked down at me, confused, and I glared meaningfully at the crepe paper.He considered for a moment, and then changed direction, spinning me through the crowd to the back door of the gym. I caught a glimpse of Jessica and Mike dancing, staring at me curiously. Jessica waved, and I smiled back quickly. Angela was there, too, looking blissfully happy in the arms of little Ben Cheney she didnt look up from his eyes, a head lower than hers. Lee and Samantha, Lauren, glaring toward us, with Conner I could name every face that spiraled past me. And then we were outdoors, in the cool, dim light of a fading sunset.As soon as we were alone, he swung me up into his arms, and carried me across the dark grounds till he reached the bench beneath the empennage of the madrone trees. He sat there, keeping me cradled against his chest. The moon was already up, visible through the gauzy clouds, and his face glowed sentry in the white light. His mouth was hard, his eyes troubled.The point? I prompted softly.He ignored me, staring up at the moon.Twilight, again, he murmured. Another ending. No affair how perfect the day is, it always has to end.Some things dont have to end, I muttered through my teeth, instantly tense.He sighed.I brought you to the prom, he said slowly, finally answering my question, because I dont want you to miss anything. I dont want my presence to take anything away from you, if I can help it. I want you to be human. I want your life to continue as it would have if Id died in nineteen-eighteen like I should have.I shuddered at his words, and then shook my head angrily. In what strange parallel of latitude dimension would I ever have gone to prom of my own free will? If you werent a thousand times stronger than me, I would never have let you get away with this.He smiled briefly, but it didnt touch his eyes. It wasnt so bad, you said so yourself.Thats because I was with you.We were quiet for a minute he stared at the moon and I stared at him. I wished there was some way to explain how very indifferent I was in a normal human life.Will you tell me something? he asked, glancing down at me with a slight smile.Dont I always?Just promise youll tell me, he insisted, grinning.I knew I was going to regret this almost instantly. Fine.You seemed honestly surprised when you figured out that I was taking you here, he began.I was, I interjected.Exactly, he agreed. But you must have had some other theory Im curious what did you think I was dressing you up for?Yes, instant regret. I pursed my lips, hesitating. I dont want to tell you.You promised, he objected.I know.Whats the problem?I knew he thought it was mere embarrassment holding me back. I think it will make you mad or sad.His brows pulled together over his eyes as he thought that through. I still want to know. Please?I sighed. He waited.Well I assumed it was some kind of occasion. But I didnt think it would be some trite human thing prom I scoffed.Human? he asked flatly. Hed picked up on the key word.I looked down at my dress, fidgeting with a stray piece of chiffon. He waited in silence.Okay, I confessed in a rush. So I was hoping that you might have changed your mind that you were going to change me, after all.A dozen emotions played across his face. Some I recognized anger pain and then he seemed to collect himself and his expression became amused.You thought that would be a black tie occasion, did you? he teased, touching the lapel of his tuxedo jacket.I scowled to hide my embarra ssment. I dont know how these things work. To me, at least, it seems more rational than prom does. He was still grinning. Its not funny, I said.No, youre right, its not, he agreed, his smile fading. Id rather treat it like a joke, though, than believe youre serious.But I am serious.He sighed deeply. I know. And youre really that willing?The pain was back in his eyes. I bit my lip and nodded.So ready for this to be the end, he murmured, almost to himself, for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. Youre ready to give up everything.Its not the end, its the beginning, I disagreed under my breath.Im not worth it, he said sadly.Do you remember when you told me that I didnt see myself very clearly? I asked, raising my eyebrows. You obviously have the same blindness.I know what I am.I sighed.But his mercurial mood shifted on me. He pursed his lips, and his eyes were probing. He examined my face for a long moment.Youre ready now, then? he asked.Um. I gulp ed. Yes?He smiled, and inclined his head slowly until his cold lips brushed against the skin just under the corner of my jaw.Right now? he whispered, his breath blowing cool on my neck. I shivered involuntarily.Yes, I whispered, so my voice wouldnt have a chance to break. If he thought I was bluffing, he was going to be disappointed. Id already made this decision, and I was sure. It didnt matter that my body was rigid as a plank, my hands balled into fists, my breathing erraticHe chuckled darkly, and leaned away. His face did look disappointed.You cant really believe that I would give in so easily, he said with a tart edge to his mocking tone.A girl can dream.His eyebrows rose. Is that what you dream about? Being a addict?Not exactly, I said, frowning at his word choice. Monster, indeed. Mostly I dream about being with you forever.His expression changed, softened and saddened by the subtle ache in my voice.Bella. His fingers lightly traced the shape of my lips. I will stay with yo u isnt that enough?I smiled under his fingertips. Enough for now.He frowned at my tenacity. No one was going to surrender tonight. He exhaled, and the sound was practically a growl.I touched his face. Look, I said. I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isnt that enough?Yes, it is enough, he answered, smiling. Enough for forever.And he leaned down to press his cold lips once more to my throat.